Devastation

Here I sit crying,
Behind the locked door,
Everything is ending,
You lie limp in my arms,
My heart is melting.

Then you come back to me,
Look in my eyes,
And tell me that it isn't easy,
I look down at you,
And say, same for me.

Then your eyes close,
Into sleep you go,
My heart rate slows,
I hold you tight,
I'm not a big fan of those.

I sit there thinking,
Of what's happening,
Listening to your breathing,
How the world is scary,
Now there is no escaping.

We're falling apart at the seams,
Worldly troubles pouring in,
With all of it's extremes,
Filling our safe bubble,
And my heart screams.

No more escape here,
There is troubles now,
In comes fear,
Into our safe bubble,
It's going to disappear.

What am I to do?
It's there anymore,
It's been safe with you,
Hard days,
This got me through.

I am...

I am strong and capable.
I wonder if I will ever recover.
I hear people laugh at me.
I see myself suffer.
I want to recover.
I am strong and capable.

I pretend that everything is okay.
I feel like it might be someday.
I touch my arm.
I worry that it will never heal.
I cry when things happen.
I am strong an capable.

I understand that there is hope .
I say I'll be fine.
I dream that one day it will.
I try to remember this.
I hope there will be recovery.
I am strong and capable.

Butterflies

Laying upon the floor,

Really don't want to be here anymore,

Staring with my eyes,

Upon those butterflies,

Sitting upon my arm,

Keeping me from harm.

The butterflies stay,

After you all go away,

They whisper to me all things,

That will come in the springs,

When hope will dawn,

And I will become very strong.

But just right now,

I have a hard field to plough,

And I must not stop,

So that I might get that crop,

And move on my way,

Out of the days of gray.

When the spring comes,

I'll escape the pain that numbs,

And winter's embarrassment,

As well as it's discouragement, 

And I will stand once more,

Stronger than before.

  

"Day 15"

Today has been quite a day. It was a very fun but emotionally exhausting. The hard things about today were:
1) I didn't quite make it to day 15 without doing the particular thing that I was trying to avoid for 15 days. This is hard for me, because I am really mad at myself for letting myself do what I wasn't supposed to do.
2) I had to say at the church one hour longer than I usually have to. And that was hard because I was sooo afraid that something would happen. And also, it just was off. It through me off.

There is always good during the hard or bad times. You just have to look for it. This is a very hard concept to master, for me and possibly everyone. Good things about today are:
1) Malia came over to school and I got to see her today. I haven't seen her forever so that was nice.
2) Me and Malia totally sticky noted Mrs. Davis' office door. It was lots of fun and it made it so that I could take care of someone else for once.
3) I was awesome and went to Young Woman's even though it was very hard for me to do.

Today I did may things that I enjoyed, and I feel that is was a good day even if it was very hard.